one second of frailty
by the waterfalls of hopelessness
sun shines upon the eyes of a thousand man
while life ripples down the river
of inevitability
now love has introduced itself
to the harshness of our so important existence
conveyed in a context
of mass exinction and sadness
yet too late to be helped and
definitely
very unhappy
to discover that our being
is stained by the
Fall of Man
now I see why this heart of mine
slowly dissociates
it is a time when there's much in the show window
and nothing in the stock room
and although
allowing ourselves to see the signs of hope
will break the spell
and fear the darkness for not
being alone
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Comments
slowly dissociates
it is a time when there's much in the show window
and nothing in the stock room"
out of this entire section, this is by far the best writing. It's metaphorical and yet clear. As a reader, I do not wonder about what you're trying to say, what your message is, but I wonder about your words and their beauty. This is great writing with a good rhythm and a natural flow that is neither pretentious nor vague.
My only real complaint with this section is probably the same for any of them: punctuation. Let's see some ".,:;" etc!
(And I continue my backwards treck through your sections)
--
Your musky lips, cramping smoke into halos,
love to finger obscenities and slander. I am a bitch now.
Don’t touch her now, this thing of waste. She’s
Empty. She’s full of spite.
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